Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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