Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
