guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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