Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm at about main and main street
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
