at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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