You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
