he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize