there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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