Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
