He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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