to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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