Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize