I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize