you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
