I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
