Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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