I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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