moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
