Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
