Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
