how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
