nut hugger
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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