but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
