look no pants
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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