So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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