You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
