Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
