Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
