Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
