She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
