Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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