We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
