considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
