dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize