I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
