so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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