My sheets look like a crime scene.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
