You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
