I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
