help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
