My pussy is not your playground.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
