She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
