so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
