Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
