If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
