he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
