neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
