I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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