Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
