I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
