I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize