so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize