OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
