So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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