a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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