Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize