I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
