...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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