While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
