When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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