why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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