How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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