I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
