What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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