I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize