i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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