Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
