you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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