Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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