So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
