Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
