The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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