At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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