Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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