Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
