My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
honey bunches of taint.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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