and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
