Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize