I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
