Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
