Your favorite bartender is back from prision
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
