I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
