she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The struggles of a small town man whore
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
