I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
