Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize