Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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