see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
