my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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