I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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