if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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