You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
