she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
