Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
