First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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