this just has baby written all over it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm always down for nudity.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize