I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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