She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
