i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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