There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
