I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
