I think my vagina is haunted
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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