I'm so fucking centered right now
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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