i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
