wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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