This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she pinky promised me she was 18
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
