Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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