Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
