Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
